Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Non Sequiturs April 4, 2012

1.  Yesterday was my grandmother's -- my only living grandparent, mind you -- 98th birthday. Unfortunately, she's in NY and I am in GA.  I tried to call her, but it wasn't the same.  So that was a bummer.  My dad sent me pictures.  Hopefully we'll get to see "great grandma" this summer with the kiddos. 

2.  On a morbid note, the kids and Mick and I were walking around Costco and I mentioned that "tomorrow" was Great Grandma's birthday, and she was going to be 98.  I made a big fuss, "can you believe it?! Isn't that awesome?!"  CAM's response, completely deadpan and serious:  "Is she going to die?" Mick said into my ear as we walked to get some milk, "Well, I didn't see that one coming."

3.  I was in a cute store in the mall today and saw two signs that, if they wouldn't end up collecting dust, I would have bought for Mick.  The first said, "You are the bacon to my eggs," which is funny because it's a bacon joke and we've been making bacon jokes for a heckofalotlonger than this whole bacon fad's been around.  The second said, "I love you more than pickles," which is funny because coming from me, that's pretty serious stuff.  The only thing that might have trumped it would have been if it said, "I love you more than olives."  Then, I might have broken down and bought it.

4.  Yesterday on our way to go strawberry picking, I promised the kids we would skip breakfast and go get doughnuts at Dunkin' Donuts!  Wahoo! I got them all psyched (my kids don't do well if they skip breakfast.  It can be 2pm, but if they don't have breakfast first, they lose their minds) and ready to make the big leap of skipping breakfast, and we got to Dunkin' Donuts, and they didn't have any. 

Yep, you read that right.  What kind of %^$%^!^!#@! DONUT place runs out of Munchkins?  It wasn't even freaking noon.  I was beside myself p'ed off.  I asked Mick if he told them off and he shrugged at me.  Nope.  WTF?!  I would have gone ballistic.  Of course, these are the same cheap skimpy jerks whose munchkins are literally half the size of ANY OTHER D&D (and trust me, I can speak somewhat authoritatively on the size of munchkins at countless D&Ds throughout the United States), AND whose "glazed" donuts are often, well ... not quite glazed, let's put it that way.  Cheap assholes.  I'm still pissed.  And yes, I said it.  Mick doesn't like me to use that word on the blog, but there is no other way to describe it.  I suppose if I'm going to get all fired up, it's probably best that it's only over Munchkins. 

Seriously, corporate, if you're reading this please give me a shout. I'd like to chat you up a little about this terrible little franchise you've got going, and what we need to do to fix it.  You're trying to expand in the Southeast and compete with Krispy Kreme, and idiots like this are hurting your good name! 

We can start with the availability of munchkins.  I don't think it's unreasonable to expect donuts to be available at a donut shop.  Then, we can talk glazes.  Then size.  Then how to make a freaking iced coffee so my husband thinks it actually, you know, tastes like one.  And then we can talk, finally, about hot chocolate.

Okay.  Deep breath. One last nugget of whatever to share with you:

5.  I am sucking on a Burt's Bees honey cough drop in an effort to not choke, again, for the 99th time, today.  My goodness, this thing is nasty!!  But it's working -- and that's huge.  I really wish I could find little honey packets to swallow.  Or little honey capsules.  If you've heard of them and know what I am talking about and where to get them I beg you to please help me out.  In the meantime, these Burt's Bees are working, and I am pretty happy about that.  Now, if only there was a way to safely sleep with a cough drop.  THAT would be awesome. 


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