Saturday, July 27, 2013

I am Hermoine. Hear Me Read.

I've recently become even more addicted to BuzzFeed.  Last night I stumbled upon this gem: 23 Signs You Are Hermoine Granger.

(Dad, Hermoine is me, in the Harry Potter books.   You should read them; you'll enjoy them.)

I'll leave it to you to check out the list and watch the little videos.  I'm annotating here, for your enjoyment (??).  This is a sort-of "about me" post, if you will.

from a Google search, taken from 7/27/13

  1. You are physically incapable of controlling your hair.
Seriously.  I have tried more "product" than they sell in Ulta.  I love my hair, but I once had someone ask me, "why don't you care enough to let your hair not be frizzy?"  Um ... what?  Also: no fancy "wings" for me when they were popular in middle school.  Ask my mom about the tears.  My hair is curly and will be curly.  The end.

2.     You would rather be in a library than anywhere else.
Points of fact:  I worked in a library for three years.  I visited a library on my honeymoon.  

3.     This was you in every class, from elementary school to college.  [video of Hermoine raising her hand.]
Mmmm ... not quite.  I was painfully shy and VERY afraid of being "that person."  Unless someone was being ridiculous.  Then I had to jump in, but that was rare.  Maybe less so lately.

4.     You can be a little intense.
Um, yes.

5.     And so people often have this reaction to you at first.  [video of friends saying she's crazy]
For my entire life, people have told me that they didn't like me until they knew me.  My entire middle-school-through-high-school experience, it was because I was so shy and afraid of everyone -- and they thought I was a snob.  Someone told me this in 7th grade and it broke my heart.  Me?  A snob?  I was so desperate to fit in!  But yeah.  I own it.  I am intense and people don't always warm to that, or interpret it quite right.

6.     You consider it your duty to keep your friends in line and down-to-earth.
Do I?  I'm not sure. I'd like to think I am not mean.  On the other hand, if someone asks me a question, I will be honest -- and as tactful as possible.  Someone else may be better qualified to tell me if this is me.  Mick?  Where are you?

7.     And you always find yourself being the voice of reason in a group.
Mostly because I refuse to be arrested, catch a disease, or otherwise find myself in a compromising position saved on the internet for all posterity, thankyouverymuch.

8.     You never go anywhere without bringing something to read.
Dead-on.  The nook Mick got me a few years ago has made this much less cumbersome.  But it's true. Lately, it's been my bar exam materials, but I would rather carry something I don't get to read, than be somewhere with time and nothing. to. read.

9.     This is your bitchy resting face.
True story:  EVERY SINGLE DAY of sixth grade, my teachers would ask me what was wrong.  I have a very serious resting face and if I am not making a conscious effort to "pose," I look grumpy or angry.  My sisters have the same issue.  So, it's very funny to me that it's recently been given a name.  I can't say I invented the bitchy resting face, but I've been dealing with its repurcussions since 1985.  See #5.

10.    You can be a little bit judgmental.
Okay, this is complicated.  First of all, YES, and strike the "little bit" part.  But that will almost always relate to someone being stupid.  A few years ago a friend and I did one of those surveys where you have to describe your friend -- middle name, favorite color, blah blah ... and where it got to describing your friend's best quality, she said about me that I was always looked for other sides of every story to give people the benefit of the doubt.  So there.  (But if you're stupid, sorry -- can't help you.)

11.    But let's face it ... you're normally always right.
Is it bad that I don't like this one because it shouldn't say "normally" and "always" together?  

Realization: this post needs more pictures.  I don't have any right now.  Sorry!

12.    You would literally commit murder for a time turner.
Maybe not murder...

13.    You have no patience for PDA.
Nope.  Ick.  Even my own mother calls me a prude!

14.    Mostly because you have a hard time expressing your feelings.
Mmmm, depends.  

15.    You give very enthusiastic hugs.
I never used to hug anyone except my mom, until I moved South.  So I don't know.  I am an awkward hugger, for sure.  But now, I never hesitate to ask for one!

16.    And all of your (close) friends are used to this. [video of hugs]

17.    You often find yourself overwhelmed by the stupidity of others.
Every day.  But don't we all?

18.    You can't stop yourself from correcting people if they're doing something wrong.
I try to be polite.  Like cleverly finding a way to repeat the word you just misused, but pronouncing and using it properly.  Subtle corrections, y'all.  Bless your hearts.  Except for radiator.  It's a RAD-iator, not RAY-diator.  

19.    You're not being bossy, you're helping!
Oh, just let me do it already. I'll get it done faster and better.

20.    You don't take shit from anybody.
No. No, I don't, and I will stand up for others who are taking shit they don't deserve.  This sometimes gets me in trouble, but that's okay.

21.    And you aren't afraid to get physical about it (but only if you've exhausted all the logical options and it's truly necessary.)
Okay, maybe not me.  I've never been in a fight in my life.  

22.    You're an incredibly loyal friend and will do just about anything for the people you love.
The times I've been hurt worst in this world are when I have learned the hard way that this was a one-sided truth with those folks.

23.    You're not above a humble brag because, let's be honest, you're awesome.
To quote from a conversation with one of my friends from ages ago, "I mean, let's be honest: we're smarter than the average Joe."

Do you all hate me now?  I always liked Hermoine, but after reading the list and now annotating it, I'm feeling almost as if someone wrote it for me.  Hate if you will. I'll still like you.  And besides, for as much fun as this was to do, I could write a list at least twice as wrong about all the things I hate about me and at which I am presently epically failing.  


No comments:

Post a Comment